Afraid to be gay
At Centre for Digital Youth Care, where we work with all things youth-related in a digital context, we get letters upon letters from young people in vulnerable positions. Regarding loneliness, parents who don't understand, bodily insecurities, friends, school, crushes, you name it. Sex and sexuality are also popular topics, and over the past couple of years sexual identity has been taking up more and more space.
In Denmark, a country often seen as diverse, open-minded and with lots of room for all genders, sexes, races, and ethnicities, it is interesting that we still have young people struggling with their sexual identity. A man in his mid-20's wrote to us, that he is very scared that he might be gay, even though "both my psychologist and all the tests I've taken say I'm 100% straight." According to himself he has these doubts and thoughts because he vaguely remembers two episodes from when he was six and 10 years old where he had some sexual experiences with a male peer. He feels haunted by these memories and are afraid they are a sign he is in fact gay.
He ends his letter by writing "I have nothing against those who are gay - I just can't be it". If that is true, then why the strong opposition against being gay himself? Why would that be so horrible? There can be many different reasons, but it seems safe to assume that shame has at least some part to play. When we feel ashamed of ourselves, we cannot be our true selves. And when we cannot be our true selves we cannot grow. Furthermore, fear of potentially negative social consequences of being gay might also play a part. Because even though Denmark is a quite inclusive country (at least on paper), no country in the world is completely free of stigma.
Sexual orientation is not a choice - it encompasses whatever and whomever each individual is attracted to and wants to be intimate with. Sexual orientation can be just as static or dynamic as each individual sees fit, and experimenting with one's sexuality, no matter the age these experiments take place, is not the same as "switching" sexual orientations. Experimenting is a normal and natural part of the identity formation process - be it sexual or otherwise. But even so, many people, like the young man in the example above, feel insecure, scared, anxious, and shameful when they encounter sides of themselves that do not fit their own or the traditional societal idea of who and how they ought to be.
If you feel ashamed of your sexuality and your sexual identity in what is supposed to be one of the most open-minded countries in the world, it speaks volumes as to how far we still have to go - both locally and globally - in regards to creating a society and a world with room for everyone. Therefore, we hope you will join us in the upcoming national training workshops where we will share specific tools prevent violence and discrimination against LGBT+ people and help create a more inclusive world for us all to live in.
